watched I Not Stupid Too just now
an extremely thought provoking show i must say
for me at least
i have lots and lots to say about all the various issues that were brought up in the movie but i shall leave that till tmr when i can better organise my thoughts
for now, i am seriously contemplating my future

not suprisingly, the rising importance of the chinese language was brought up again in the movie, as very politically correct local film should
and this really got me thinking
i think most of my friends know that i feel strongly against chinese who cannot speak chinese and even more so against those who can speak the language but pretend that they cant because they feel that its more 'cool' to be in the 'ang moh pai' or whatever they call it
to me, it is NOT a shame that you can speak your mother tongue
in fact, you should be ashamed of yourself if you can't
if you are one of those that fall into either cateogories and feel offended, i am not going to apologise
this is my blog and i have a right to say what i want and state my opinions
ok, but this is not the main point
the main point is, this whole issue got me thinking about what do i really enjoy doing when i was in school
academics wise, that is
and i realised i did like my chinese literature even though the teacher hated me and i kept falling asleep
i did not enjoy the lessons but i like the subject even though i used to whine constantly about having to memorize tonnes of stuff for 20 words scribbled by some poet whom legend has got himself drunk and died while falling into the river in his attempt to catch the moon
but when i think back now, i realised that and history were the only lessons which i felt that i was learning things that actually roused some interest in me
yes, i think i liked history and chinese literature the most in secondary school
but, as the logical singaporean, i chose the sciences over the arts wen i had to make a choice
i chose something that was objective and definite
where 1+1 will always be 2
where facts will always be the same and right and wrong distinct, no grey area
that was when i chose pragmatism over interest
or maybe it was simply lack of confidence in myself
i just wasn't that confident of what i was interested in
isn't it such an irony that what you are good at may not be what you are interested in?
at those points in time when i had to make a choice, i chose what i knew i could do better in rather than what i was interested in
and for a long long while, i managed to convince myself that i was not that very much interested in what i was giving up anyway
but today, iafter reflection on the show and my own life,
i finally realised that i do not like what i am doing now
i enjoyed the discussion seesions that my arts modules consists of rather than my hours spent in the lab frantically recording readings and setting up apparatus
but, i have come thus far
i know i can force myself to do well if i want to
the question is do i want to and should i?