people can be so hypocritical
I can be so hypocritical, sometimes
i would like to think that it is only sometimes, although being hypocritical at any time or to any extent is bad
but herein lies the question
am i really being hypocritical or maybe i just being practical (if i may use the word for my own defence)

quite a few people would know that i was on rather close terms with this friend i knew from work last sem
we took a few common modules together, went for lectures together, lunch.. the usual works laa
whilst working on a project with another mutual friend (and others), things kinda turned sour
and all three of us just sort of drifted apart and led our own lives
of course, there were the usual hellos when you bump into each other in school
but that was the only form of communication we had
nothing else whatsoever
until recently when this particular person started talking to me on msn again and repeatedly asked me to study together
at this point, i must add that ever since the fall out during the project, i have had a rather unplesant impression of this person
but since i needed to study, i agreed to the invitation
so, i have been studying with a person i don't particularly like
having meals with the same person and taking rides from him and well, trying to pretend that everything was the same as it was before the awkward fallout
(in my own defence, there are no buses for me to take at like almost midnight)
i have no idea whether he can sense this subtle awkwardness but i seriously have been feeling real bad
like i am some hypocritical bitch who makes use of people
i know this is not the time to be bothered about such "nobel" issues and i should just concentrate on studying but somehow, this has been nagging me consistently

blehh
mental overload and distress