suffering from my pangs of insomnia again
stared at the darkened room and counted sheeps, frogs, cows, and whatever else
but somehow, sleep just wouldn't come

first day at work
it wasn't too bad
just pretty brainless tasks
called people to ask if their papers have been delivered and typed in complaints
that took about the whole day
so just imagine the number of phone calls i made and the number of complaints filed
horrifying...
despite the lack of need for intelligence to complete the tasks assigned to me, i still feel brain-dead
maybe its precisely because my brain hasn't worked for too long that it is lapsing into a state of comatose
i need some form of mental workout to revive those sleeping cells before they die
because brain cells are NOT regenerated
i repeat.
they are NOT regenerated.
so once they die, they are gone.
forever.
haha..
i think i am a bit mad lately.
don't sound too sane here
*grinz*
blame it on the hormones.
haha..
yes, i am a singaporean.
i complain.

i wish upon a star
to face the world with a smile
for my wounds to heal
and my strength to be renewed
take my hand
and walk with me
help me grow
help me see
tht the world
is a beautiful place to be
give me hope
teach me to sing
light the way for my dreams
help me stand tall
don't let me fall
be my friend
be my pillar of strenth
i will have no fear
knowing you are near...

--wishes of a child

i want to remain a child and never grow up
can i join peter pan and his never land?

just watched the news on the bus and finally realised the seriousness of the tsunami
tens of thousands of lives have been lost overnight
families and lives crushed by the fury unleashed by nature
human life...
how fragile and vulnerable
started me thinking
what a sheltered existence i lead
just this morning i was ranting about my hair
when people in other parts of the world are battling with the grief of losing loved ones
when all that they owe has been robbed by an intangible culprit
i was actually bothered by something as trivial as a bad haircut
suddenly, i feel like such a shallow person

international aid has been pledged
i sincerely hope that they will reach those in need in time
may those with the ability to help not be blinded with personal selfish interests

i chopped my hair off!!
its really really short now
feels kinda weird to have my neck so free and exposed.
didn't really feel any sense of loss as i watch the hair drop
had them for too long
time for a change
just hope i dun look too weird now.
i do kinda like my new hair
just that i gotta find a way to keep it from falling all over my eyes

my heart goes out to the many who have lost loved ones in the recent tsunami catastrophe
may they pick themselves up
i wish life would be kinder to them in the coming year

had dinner with bin hui, edith, sera and yun yun.
the annual christmas dinner.
had quite a bit of fun.
edith dug out old photos that we had totally forgotten about.
everybody looked so young then, and pretty bad sometimes.
hah.
cant believe how many photos she managed to "recover"
pretty amazing
oh, and i got a nice gift during exchange for once.
haha..
hugo intense shower gel and lotion.
the small amall tube but its still nice.
haha..
thanks edith.

i am going shopping tmr
yay...
hope i find nice things

today has been a beautiful day.
a beautiful day to start a week.

you were the one i knew then
love that look on your face as you soared
the familiar smile that lights up your face
that twinkle in your eyes
just my silly little boy
wish time could have stayed still then.

met sera on our way back too.
she was with a certain someone.
*grinz*
hope you have fun too dear girl.

today has been great.
a lovely lovely day.

i am going to the playground
whee.. haha..
had this sudden urge to want to go play on the swing
to feel the wind in the hair as you soar high up
think i am a bit mad
but then, who cares?
haha..
i am going to the playground...

christmas dinner was goooood.
hah.
we had crabs instead of turkey.
6 big fat yummy crabs.
but mummy cooked too much.
we still have 2 fat crabs left.
haha..
think we are going to have crab porridge tmr..
haha.. never had it before..
but guess it shouldn't be too bad.
oh..
and i helped make pizza too..
haha..
the 2 little ones were really adorable for a change.
hah.
serving us cuz we were in their house.
really playing their parts as the host.
esp the little kai, he actually followed the direction of the car on the gameboy.
swerving on the chair in tune with the virtual car.
with such a serious look of concentration on his face.
for once, they were really little angels and not the scary little terrors running amok in my house every weekday.
hah.
i wish they would remain in that state all the time.
haha..

thanks dear for the present.
even though its not the one i initially wanted.
haha..
really appreciated the effort put in.
i like it..

christmas is the season of love and giving..
lets all be angels,
spreading love and warmth to the ones dearest to us.
after all, isn't that the spirit of christmas?

haha..
take care people..

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!
have lots and lots of fun this festive season peeps!!
may all of you get loads and loads of presents as well
but thats hardly the most important thing..
haha..

loud pounding music.
beams of glaring flashing lights.
an unfamiliar misture of perfumes, smoke and perspiration.
bodies squashed together, without even an inch of free space.
backs to backs.
an interesting experience, but maybe not enjoyable.
nose clogged due to the excess ash in the rather stale air.
ears ringing, unused to the loud renditions.

owe a huge thank you to kaibin who had to wait for eternity.

definition of home: an offering that offers peace and securtiy.
so what do you call a place that offers neither but have to return to everyday?
a dwelling or what?
came home after work.
was actually in a pretty good mood but some idiot just has to piss me off.
like seriously,
just screw off and get out if you are so capable.
the house is so much a better place without your existence.
you are nothing but trouble.
i hate you.
and i hate coming home because of you too.

i think i wont want to fold another letter and put it into the envelope ever again.
or at least not for a long long time to come.
bleah.
folded about maybe three hundred letters or maybe even more
and slotted them into the envelope.
i am not exagerating.
i spent almost three hours just doing that.
then i spent wad, another three hours on the phone, asking for overdue delivery notes.
"hi, i am calling from hilti. we faxed some DOs over last week and i need your company stamp on it before you fax it back to us. is that possible? thank you"
more often than not,
you will hear some idiot on the other side saying she doesn't know where is it and she is not in charge and give you another number to call which will then refer you back to the same idiot.
seriously.
all i am asking for is the company stamp and not a million dollar check.
bleah.
i know i am complaining.
but well...
it is really not very pleasant.
and after a while, all i can think of was a bed,
so hilti became hilton.
hah.. hilarious.
well, call it self-entertainment then.

went out with viv today.
and for once, she had to wait for me.
hah.
no thanks to damn traffic jam that stretched from ymca all the way to taka.
it took me a freking twenty-five minutes fir the journey from dhoby gaut to far east.
anyway, in her usual style, viv took about forever to decide what she want after trying on about three thousand skirts.
hah.
well, lets hope the workout in orchard today will help me lose a bit of the flab that i have accumulated and give me nice legs.
hah.
not really counting on it though.
oh, and i found a 2 day job.
yes, i typed correctly, and u read correctly.
2 days.
hah.
well, any bit of money that comes the way of this super broke person is welcome.
haha..

feeling murderous now.
think the people next block might have dialed 995.
thick fumes emitting from my pores.
think if you put a kettle on my head now, the water would start boiling really soon.
that is how mad i am.
seriously.

why must you twist my words into things i never meant?
am i that difficult to you?
do i ask for alot?
if my likes and dislikes matter that much, i wouldn't have been in tears so often.
if you really meant what u say, i wouldn't have had to try convince myself that it is still so every so often.
the accusations.
those stringfuls of hurtful words.
they hurt more than any physical infliction.
alot more.

why?
simply because i love you.
and sometimes, the feeling sucks.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

a song that i find really apt.
something that everybody has gone through before.
that kind of distress.
makes you long for a fairy godmother.
to make everything right again.

feeling a certain unhappiness now.
*bleah*
a horrible feeling that would not go away.
cant find the source or the cause.
at least, i cant seem to place my finger on it.
trying to find the right words to express this funny feeling inside me but nothing seems appropriate.
the closest word i can find is angsty.
but somehow, it is not sufficient to express the boiling mixture inside.
the many many little feeling that concote the mean mixture.
arghhhh...

i miss you.
alot.
but i guess you nv knew i did.

back from hongkong.
after the short trip abroad, i have suddenly become really patriotic.
i love singapore.
haha..
the organisation here, the access to transport here..
and most importantly, ppl here understand me!!
i totally can understand the frustration the deaf and mute feel when they cant communicate their needs.
trip was nothing fantastic to rave about.
it was like the chinese advert, you shop and you eat and there is nothing else to do.
but the problem was the food was nothing fantastic either.
it was far too salty for my liking.
*bleah*
anyway, food was expensive and we were reduced to eating fast food, simply because it was the cheapest food available.
how pathetic.
we didn't even eat dim sum there!!
haha...
now that i am back in the comfort of my house, the only thing i miss there is the lovely cool weather..
haha..
home sweet home..

watched sleeping beauty yesterday.
stunningly beautiful.
a show of beauty and grace as the ballerinas prance across the stage, seemingly effortlessly.
even the kids around us were suprisingly well-behaved.
phew.. heh..
the only unfortunate thing was the location of our seats.
circle 2.
the figures on stage were saddeningly small.
but the fluidity of the movements still apparent.
a beautiful performance.
went home wondering what it feels like to live in a fairy tale.
where everything seeems to be perfect with a happy ending.
would that ever be possible in our world?
where good and evil were distinct, where no grey areas exist.
i guess not.
suddenly, there is a strong yearning to return to childhood.
when people were innocent and real.
when things were simple and what they appear to be
when i was innocent and just me.

been slacking around too much.
haha..
decided i need something to occupy myself with.
hence the birth of this little page that is nothing fantastic to boast about.
just a little corner where i can express my thoughts about certain stuff.
my little hideaway.
my pet past-time for this slack period..