i am bored
suffering from insomnia AGAIN
someone is not in singapore AGAIN
rahh
nobody seems to be online at the current moment too, or at least nobody i want to talk to that is
and my computer feels super duper laggy now
i have no idea why, being the techno dweeb i am
but its annoying
poof

went down to town with viv today in an attempt to watch perhaps love
but we couldn't cuz the seats sucked
only the first two rows left
i didn't know so many people enjoy such shows
esp when its supposedly meant for those that are older and those under twenty would not be able to understand it
that came from the director himself, btw
so, that is another RAHH

ok, this is a totally incoherent and pointless posti am just bored
nobody to entertain me
i miss you

I NEED TO RANT
so if you are having a nice day and wish to read only nice stuff about the festive, pls try somewhere else
THIS IS GOING TO BE AN ANGRY POST
and most probably a vulgar one
so you have been warned and my wrath begins


i am so damn bloody fucking pissed off
how, how, how in the bloody world can someone be so bloody hell self-centred and self-righteous??
can any kind soul out there explain to yours truly?
it is SICK
FUCKING SICK
everything you do is right TO YOU
therefore you feel that you have the right to DEMAND for stuff and take the things people do for you for granted?
you have not made any form of contribution to this household at all
NOTHING
except for maybe troubles and heartaches
so what right do you have to demand for anything??
and in that oh-you-so-owe-it-to-me tone
so just screw off
why dun you just go put your face in the toilet bowl and stay there
that is where you should be anyway, asshole
NOBODY, and i mean NOBODY will give a rats' ass about ur absence
maybe it will even be celebrated with champagne and roses and fireworks
RAHHH
sickening piece of crap

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLE

so after a rather distressful and depressing post, i am here to wish everyone merry christmas
haha
christmas has been nice thus far
save for the fact i am totally broke
hahah
but oh well
its worth it i guess
have fun peeps!

ok
so someone just kill me please
thank you very much
i fucking screwed up my first sem at uni
and i mean real bad
screwing up here does not mean no straight As
it means really bad grades
so someone pls fucking kill me
oops
i think i said that before already but wth
it just re-emphasizes the point that someone should kill me
and proves that i am indeed becoming dumber as i grow older
rahh

yes, i know i didn't study very hard
but surely i do not deserve such fucked up grades do i?
yes, this is a vulgar post
so there
surely i can rant on my blog, can't i?

i am up again at 8 when i slept at 330 am
poof
i think my body has decided to go mad
hahah
i normally can sleep till 10 without much problem when i sleep at anything before 1am
but
when i sleep after 1, i will wake up at this kinda unearthly hours
ok, maybe not so unearthly but still
maybe thats my body's way of punishing me for staying up so late
hah

but MoS was worth it
the place is damn cool larh
and it is not packed like everywhere else
there was actually room to move
the guys were damn funny too
daring each other to do the shots continuously and when i stopped drinking, they actually got me coke
hahah
and i was thirsty enough to drink it (i dun normally drink coke)
i remained sober albeit a little high
but that is the point right?
hahha
in fact everybody was damn high for a while before we all entered hibernation mode due to both the alcohol and the fact that we were sitting down for too long
heh
looking at older people do funny things on the dance floor, drinking coke and talking rubbish to people, watching a bunch of girls trying to get my friend to dance with them
so yes, i had fun
haha

weekend went by rather nicely
spent quite a bit and i am so damn broke
but oh well
my mum was happy at least
although i felt my wallet bleeding and my card crying out that it has been overused
sigh
but she is my mother
so.. what can i say?

passed by the new Ministry of Sound on saturday night
it is the first and only club that actually tempted me to go in
the place looks rather promising and we would have gone in if it hadn't been so so crowded
hmm
oh well
not too bad a thing considering the fact that it would burn another thirty bucks in my seriously injured pocket
haha

and i am still suffering from insomnia and looking more and more like the endangered giant panda
(there is another kind of panda called the red panda which does not have the eye rings)
rahh
dark eye rings and puffy eye bags causing my already not very big eyes to look even smaller
poof
i am sad

i hate suffering from insomnia
the feeling of lying on your bed all alone
staring at the dark ceiling
finally drifting into sleep at something like 530 am then rudely awaken at 7 am
bloody hell
the result: farking pounding headache and panda eyes

why can i never stay awake when i need to?
insomnia always ALWAYS strike in december which happens to be the holidays!
rahh
and i cant go to sleep now
things to attend to
what a torture
boohoo

the ah lian's mother actually sacked me!!
wth
i have never had people sacking me for tuition larh
nor for any other job i held for that matter
bloody hell
they better pay me for the first lesson

actually i am not too upset by it since i did not really want to continue
but still
i feel indignant
what right do you have to sack me when your own daughter is so freaking rude and you were joyously contributing to the noise level with your mahjong khaki
which makes for a totally unconducive studying environment
rahhh

yes, i am a proud person and i hate being dismissed
(there is a difference between pride and arrogance, i admit i am proud but not i am not arrogant)
especially when i know i have done what is expected of me already

after a long while, the all to familiar feeling came back again
drowning me
for a long long while, i managed to convince myself that it is understandable and forgivable, considering what has happened
but, i guess this is too much

if you keep ignoring her, obviously she will want to attract your attention
and for her, the only way she knows would be by those little actions which annoys you to hell
but, can you blame her then??
she is a person too
she craves for attention and affection too
you do not even acknowledge her presence at all
treating her as non-existent
and it doesn't help that you are the only one whose attention and acceptance she truly yearns for
not mine
of course, i know its tiring on you and driving you nuts
but isn't it to all of us?

i am beginning to think you are just selfish
all over again

mothers are impossible sometimes
at least my mother is
things can only go her way and nobody else's
wth
i am tired and do not feel like going to swim and she throws a tantrum because of that
seriously
i dun understand her sometimes
what happened to that thing called freedom of choice?
sigh

first lesson today
and it was a disaster
i got an ah lian for a student
RAHH
crap
why on earth do i get weird students all the time??
why why WHY??

somone's theory of only good boys and girls will start tuition so early is TOTALLY WRONG
they can be forced by parents to undertake tuition
and these parents can feel that their duty ends when they get a bloody tutor for their kid
hence, it gives them the right to play mahjong when the lesson is going on
yes, that was the condition which i had my first lesson
with wailing babies blended in the incessant knocking of mahjong tiles and aunties chattering loudly and crudely if i may add
save me
if all my other lessons are going to be like that, i will die
blehhh

i should ask for a student profile next time before i start teaching
if not i always ALWAYS end up with sucky students
or am i the one that is a sucky teacher??
rahhh
i dun think i am
and most of my students do quite like me, i think
all the mothers did certainly like me
so yarh
rahhhh

i bought a cheongsam today
hahah
i am going to wear it for chinese new year
so exciting
hahah

had an extremely satisfying shopping trip with my mum today
for that, i love bugis street and chinatown
haha
cheongsam was bought at chinatown
and the rest of my acquistions at bugis street
hahah
i would have bought tonnes of stuff if not for the the presence of my mum and the very disturbing amount that appears for my account balance
hah
but still i am happy enough
for the moment at least
hahah

furball is shopping away in bangkok too
i wish he would come back soon
i miss my big cuddly furball

unaccomplished shopping trip
wanted to buy something but nothing caught my eye
nothing at all
rahh
how saddening

got a tuition student today
but somehow i am being paid lesser than what i am accustomed to
another rahh
hopefully this student will be like the other who will introduce students to me
haha
then agencies cant earn off me
i will be happy then
right
how often do such things happen?
hmmm
scratches head
oh well
one can always hope right?

i wish furball would come back soon

someone sat on a plane and flew off
to bangkok
i want to go too
i want to go shopping and buy stuff
yes, i can shop in singapore too
but things here are so much more expensive and i am a poor person
poof

fine, i shall stop whining and sounding like a brat

i am bored at home
i need some form of entertainment
yawn
had plans to head down to the lib to catch up on the reading i wanted to do for so long
but my legs refuse to step out of the house and my bum refuses to get off the chair on which it current resides in
so, i am left with no form of entertainment, besides my laptop, on which, i have been playing pinball for the past 2 hours i think
yes
i know i sound pathetic
haha

heading out in a while to meet sera and edith for prata
and maybe ben and jerry's if we can get our hands on them
hah
we are so going to die fat
and i think our dear sera might die considering the fact that she had had just recoverd from a horrible bout of cold/flu
as well as the fact that she is driving in that state
hmm
and we are going to be in the car too
so lets all hope we wont all die in the car
haha

right
i shall attempt to go find clothes that will hide my fats which will like multiply in size later
hahahah

I AM SO FUCKING DEAD

if i am unlucky, as is always the case, 10 percent of my grades just went down the drain
fuck
this might be a vulgar post
stop reading if the language bothers you
so there
i forgot the stupid bloody peer review evaluation thing completely
and its a fucking 10 percent of one module of which written paper i most prob screwed up damn badly
like double fuck larh
if i did well then the 10 percent is still ok larh
not that important
but!
that is not the case here
i seriously screwed the paper up majorly
argghhhh
(forgive the lack of vocab, civil or otherwise for my brain does not function well under such distress)
if i am lucky, the prof will still accept the attachment i sent in just now
but i doubt it
they freaking took the whole thing off ivle
rahh
and there was no deadline set so i seriously hope that it will still be accepted

i wonder why the hell as i so bloody screwed up and pathetic now
i am doing fucking badly in school
not that i have ever shone and excel but i was never this screwed
i have not found one new person whom i can really call my friend yet
accquaitances, yes, quite a few of those
but, friends, there just doesn't seem to be anyone
is it me or is it the environment?
i don't know
i cant even claim to be a mugger toad and hence justify my lack of social life because i will be the most pathetic mugger toad ever if i am one
which mugger toad fucking fails her exams the way i am going to???
let me know if anyone knows anyone like that
rahh

if you actually read through the whole entire tiresome rant
and think that i am suffering from depression, i am not larh
its selective depression i am going through, if there is such a thing
its mainly with my fucked up academic life now
i won't go commit suicide or anything
so don't worry
i just needed to rant and get it out of me and i will be better

in fact, i do feel a little better now

for starters, i think i am pretty amazing
i freaking came home at 0430 and i was up at 0830
fine, i didn't want to but ended up waking up anyway
but no, that is not the amazing thing
the amazing thing is that my brain is still functioning and i am thinking through stuff very calmly
i wonder why
maybe lack of sleep kinda curbs my temper
right
what rubbish right??
but it sure feels that way
or maybe, i simply have learnt the hard way that taking things too seriously at times simply just kills you
sometimes, it is better and wiser to let go
especially of insignificant things that are not really consequential
sigh
but that does not mean there isnt any element of disappointment though
disappointment will always be present when you find out things were contrary to what you have always thought was true
of course, there will be that certain sense of betrayal present
but, as i said, i have learnt to let go of things that are inconsequential
however, smoking is NOT under my lists of inconsequential things
so yarh
i have no idea why i keep harping on the smoking issue these few days
actuallly, i do know why
and i am certain quite a few people knows why
for those who do not, just take it as i am anti-smoking
hah

this is supposed to be a NO SMOKING blog layout
the spider is burning up due to the smoke according to the designer of this blog
hmm
and i am a big activist of the no smoking movement!
haha
but, i think this layout is damn cool due to the 'glowing/burning' spider adn the smoke
so people, dun smoke if you don't want to end up burning yourself up/out

EXAMS ARE FREAKING OVER
and i am back from my trip
for those who didn't know (thats most of the people i guess), i went on to desaru for 3 days

there wasn't really anything much to do there
but the beach was really rather nice
and its almost empty all the time
haha
no screaming kids or annoying people
nice place
but it can and will get boring after a while larh
hah

seafood there was pretty good too
actually the patin fish is really really good
but there was a limited variety that day
no crabs and no prawns
so that was a disappointment
but girls, if you are going there, pls make sure you are all covered up
seriously
i am not kidding
this is from first hand experience
i was in a tank top and skirt and already i was inviting stares and glares
like huhh??
so yarh
and trust me, its not a very pleasant feeling
oh well, it boils down to cultural difference, according to someone
right

oh, and did i mention that living expenses there is really really cheap?
i spent less than fifty sing dollars there for like three days
hahah

thank you for the pleasant time
i really did enjoy myself