tears
they are not only symbols of sadness or pain
more often than not, they represent helplessness, frustration and fatigue
i really am at my wits end
i don't know how to deal with all these anymore
physical scars heal fast
i have a high tolerance level for physical pain when i want
but
what hurts most you cant see
its felt
the mental anguish
like a red hot poker straight into the heart
and held there
you can smell the burning flesh
hear the sizzling sound of hot metal cooling upon the already heavily scarred skin
you cry out in pain
scream in agony
thrust about the heavy metal chains holding you down
they do not yield
never had
never will
there is no one to save you
no one can
they cant find the dark dungeon where you are
there is no entrance nor exit
no one can go in or out
no one at all......

some people should learn to accept things even though it might be done in the way they expect them to or are accustomed to
rahh
sigh
and i thought i was the pessimistic and grouchy one
the one who refuse to change and is stubborn
but no
i finally met someone who is worse than me
like much much worse
like how possible is that??
very, apparently
so maybe i know how my friends feel now afterall
i am beginning to think i am not too bad after all

just reached home from wala wala..
farewell for jill who is leaving for france on monday
how lucky...
hope you have fun girl

had a rather fun time at wala wala
the band was great
the crowd was fun but not rowdy or anything
it would have been really really great if not for the SMOKE
i guess that is something i will never really get used to
it really stinks..
needless to say, i stank after that as well
could smell myself in the car just now
poof
but now, i am clean already
but i still sense some lingering cigarette smell on myself
maybe its my hallucination since i showered already
or maybe its the smell that is stuck in my nose
if there is such a thing
oh well
i shant bother too much with it
at least its not like its overpowering like just now
hahah
maybe i shall wait till the non-smoking in pubs rule to be implemented before i start going to such places more often
that means a couple of years more..
oh well...
then maybe in the meantime, i shall be a good girl and be a mugger toad as well...

mugger toad has won lazy toad!
yayy
at least for today
i finished the lab report like finally
ok, i had alot of help on that one
i mean ALOT
but i still completed it
i finished my chem tutorial by myself
and i did the chem assesment thing
hahah

i am a happy person now
hahah
there is actually a sense of satisfaction when the horrible chemical formulas are defeated
and the long strings of numbers work out to a nice neat little integer at the end
ok
i think i am going mad
maybe that is the beginning of a new era
the era of me doing ALL my homework by MYSELF
hah

question of the day: why is lijie a science student?
answer: cuz she cant imagine writing pages after pages in her not-too-fantastic english
but..
lijie cant write scientific lab reports as well
sigh
rahh

the talked-about-so-much lab report is still undone
yes
it is not even remotely close to being completed
-pulls hair in frustration-

i better run along and try to finish up some stuff before i really die..

time: 2315, sunday
lab report: due on tuesday
chem tutorial: due on wednesday
chem assesement: due on thursday
fst presentation: due on friday

assignments completed: 0

crap
its the third week of school and i am seriously behind my work
and there is also the little problem of not knowing how to complete them
rahh
lab report is supposedly to be 6 pages long
but i dunno what to write
sigh
and my partner is equally lost

i probably should be doing all my work now
but the lazy toad is acting up again

oh well
a consolation to myself
at least i had an enjoyable afternoon
thank you

oh, and an afterthought
i think PM Lee is the first PM whom wore a patterned shirt for national day rally
a blue stripped shirt to be exact
oh maybe i didnt pay enough attention to past national day rallies
but its just a random observation

haha

in school now
hah
i decided to be a good girl and come to school even though i only have 1 lesson today
hahah

oh well

i found this quiet area place in singapore
supposedly for people to do work in
but it is quite nice to slack in
so here i am
slacking away and doing a little work
got my lsm tutorial and lab report to finish

tut is due at 1800 tmr
since lessons only start then
that is my only lesson tmr
yes
at six PM
1800 hours
how sad
bye long weekend
that was supposed to start from like today
haha
but coming for lecture today was not really a mistake since there were new stuff larh
hah
hmmm
since when did lijie become so studious?
since the lazy toad decided to become a mugger toad
hah

in school now
and i have been cheated yet again
i had to take a cab down to school AGAIN
yes
and guess what?
the lecture was cancelled!!
rahh
so i was in school at nine am
when my lesson starts at two!!

sigh
but apparently, i am not the only idiot that didnt know there was no lecture today
several others did
and i did meet quite a nice bunch of people
so its not all that bad after all
BUT
i still feel cheated
of my cab fare!!
rahh

i should start waking up on time
-nodd-

feeling immensely restless and grouchy now
i have no idea why
there are readings to be read
practical manuals to be downloaded and studied
van houten chocolate to be investigated and contacted
and a whole load of other things to do
BUT...
i just cant get down to all of them
bahh
i feel like a mugger toad now
ok, maybe not really a mugger toad, since i havent gotten down to mugging yet
but like a toad
you know, the general impression of toads
ok, mine at least..
grouchy, slumped there, doing nothing very useful and trying to look like some part of the environment
rahh
at least if i am a mugger toad then i will be doing something constructive and productive
but no...
i am just a lazy toad
doing nothing
and typing this totally totally random and crappy entry

hmmmm...
i wonder what do toads think
when they are just there, doing nothing in particular it seems
are they like me?
thinking totally random, crappy stuff
maybe they do think
i dunno
after all, toads, in fairy tales are considered to be wise and cunning

playing with the tablet now
Haha ...
literally writing out this
quite fun
i know i sound like a kid
but it's fun!
Hah

school is rather overwhelming
lots and lots of things to do
scary
not used to the new system yet
and i am still not orientated
in terms of direction i mean
took me super long to find my way around

glad i found someone i could talk to for FST
then i won't be some lone ranger anymore
Hah

let's hope school will get better
or rather i shall try to make it better...

in school now..
end of the first day in the instituition called NUS
playing with my friend's lap top while he is talking to someone else
and the stupid notebook has this static thing whenever i touch the edge
painful
so i am typing with my hands off the comp
a little like how they write chinese calligraphy
and its seriously quite tiring on the hands
haha

first day in school was almost a total waste of time
the extremely intelligent me didn't go for the make-up lecture at 9
and due to the extremely long waiting time i had to endure for collection of the laptop, i managed to miss my first chem lect too!
so meaning, i have already missed two lessons on my first day of school
seriously, i hope this wont continue anymore
because if it goes on, i am so going to die
haha

but the lecture on singapore and politics was interesting
the lecturer was really funny
haha
it was one of those few lectures which captured my attention throughout
but i guess i would need to do loads and loads of readings for this module
hopefully i will be able to cope
maybe its time to seek the help of my history-enlightened friends for the background
haha

and i really need to find my bearings around this school
haha
cuz as many would know, yours truly here, has no sense of direction at all
rahh

anyway, tmr is a holiday
phew...
time to orientate myself

oh, btw, i forgot to mention that i passed my qet
thankfully
yupp

its sunday morning/noon
waiting for my mum to come home so we can go out
ya
i have been a stay-at-home and mummy's girl lately
i was at home the whole week till the weekend
hardly stepped out of the house unless it was to help my mum carry her shopping from the market home
like how much more guai can i get?
even i can hardly believe it myself
but its true
and apparently quite a few people were rather astonished by my change
for instance, someone actually asked me
"how come you so guai lately huh?"
haha

never mind
i am going out in a while to hunt for my t-shirts and bag
but now, where is my mum?!

i have never been so glad to be able to go online and use IE
seriously
my beloved computer has to fail on me at the most inappropriate time
when all the bidding and rubbish has to be done
rahhh
but thankfully, cuz of the nice people i know, i managed to get the stuff settled
phew
and thanks to the nice singnet guy who helped me settle the computer problem
even though he will probably never read this
oh well..
but i want to thank him anyway

haha
suddenly, i realise i probably should go learn how computers work and such
and stop being so helpless whenever the stupid computer decides to go on strike
which is pretty often now
or maybe its just old and dying
li bu cong xin
haha

been a while..
nothing interesting lately..
been doing school stuff
boring, mundane stuff
yawn yawn

august is here already
meaning school is going to start soon again
-shudders-
dunno anybody doing the same course as i am
and somehow, it looks as if my classmates already know each other
hmmm..
lets hope there will not be any of those politics and bitching
my class is predominantly made up of girls
not that i am saying that girls are always bitchy
but they do tend to be a little more inclined in that direction as compared to guys
haha

oh well..
i shall not worry unduly first
what will be will be..
and i shall attempt to be a nice and friendly girl
haha