3 hours to my paper and i still have like 7 sets of notes to go
and nothing is going into my head anymore

this is so screwed up

today was just plain screwed up
and i thought i would do fine for this
rahh

and they draw a bloody bell curve for 40 people
WTF??

please hope that the bell curve is to my advantage for me, friends
i.e, that everyone else is as screwed as me
evil, i know
but i have no choice

it begins tmr

and i am not even close to finishing my revision
i need a miracle

on totally irrelevant note, all the bugs are coming out
i think it is due to the rain
i was trapped on the bed because there is a lizard on the floor and i refuse to get off the bed
then a freaking i-dunno-what insect appeared on the bed beside me
rahhh
i tried to smack it but i think i only injured it and it fell back into the crack between the bed and the wall
i hope it doesn't have to die a too painful death
it was a seriously evil looking, black and BIG insect
so don't blame me for being evil or cruel or whatever

right
back to the notes
and to hoping a miracle will happen

some things,actually all things, once changed can never be the same again
it is only whether one can notice the minute difference
or if one is happy or can live with the new state of things

i like changes
but not those that turn things i liked into things i don't

how do i let go of something that is a part of me?

i hate carbohydrates because

1. they make you fat
yes, i know technically anything can make you fat but due to high glucose (which is a carbohydrate) content in the blood after a meal, it causes LPL to be expressed better, hence causing the excess food consumed to be stored in the adipose tissue(which is basically your fats) rather than be utilized by the muscle, or sth
so, it is in the human nature to be fat
then why the hell does everybody want to be skinny??
that is opposing the law of nature
i am pro-fat people now cuz i am one of them


2. carbohydrate is definitely going to come out for one of my core modules and more than likely for the other as well.
and by far, it is the most taxing biomolecule (of what i have to study, anyway)
i am looking at 103 slides for the chemistry and function in food and another 118 PAGES for its metabolism in the human body in the freaking disgusting biochemistry mantra called FUNDAMENTALS OF BIOCHEMISTRY LIFE AT THE MOLECULAR LEVEL, which happens to be not fundamental at all
sighhh

which is why i have put off this till now
cuz it is really something which requires hell lot of brains and memory work as well as superb concentration
all of which i am not particularly well equipped now

i hope to survive

five days to exams and i have no sense of urgency
sighh

what is new?
carbohydrates, proteins and lipids, oh and nucleotides
chemistry, function in food, metabolism and structures of these biomolecules
it is pretty much alot to cover
i need to be more productive

i got my new birkes from sera yesterday
i wore them
and cut my feet
i miss my old birkes

old, seasoned things will always be more comfy
but sometimes, you're forced to make certain changes
much as you loved the old ones

come back here, to us

results vs principles
which would you choose?

one project was all it took to let me see how people think
results and minimal effort is of utmost importance

maybe i am too self righteous or maybe i was one of those poor chinese scholars who would rather starve to death then betray my prinicples in my past life and still retain some remanants of that life in this one
but i have my own prinicples and adhere to them pretty firmly, i would say
and a very part of it has got to do with some values called honesty, integrity and self respect
adn of course, it has been said that i am a freaking perfectionist, but that is beside the point
which explains why i am currently feeling seriously disgusted with myself for doing what i did for the project

call me dumb or anything else you want, but i believe if owing up to your mistakes, learning from it and moving on with life
this extends to my academic work, simply because it is a part of my life
albeit one that may not be particularly enjoyable
which is why i do not copy seniors' lab reports nor do i alter my experimental data even when i know it is screwed up
hence, to me, it is fucking disgusting and amazing how people can ask " can we just change the results?" whenever some form of error crops up
and it seems like i am the only one who feels that such a thing is inappropriate because the rest of the group thinks it is fine and that they have been doing it all along anyway
principles aside, if you can simply make up your own data, then what is the point of spending all the hours in the lab?
but i guess, to many many, it is simply the grade that comes back that matters
everything else does not

they say uni is a transition from school to the working life
if it is really true, i think i am going to hate working life
the way things work and the way people work

i think i shouldn't think too much
i know my life would be alot easier if i could be just like everyone else
but should i be like everyone else?
do i want to?
which brings to mind this evercare card that i've still got somewhere from secondary school
"What is right is right even if nobody's doing it, What is wrong is wrong even if everybody is doing it."

it is not easy doing the right thing when nobody else is doing it.
i think i am too idealistic.

you are right
it doesn't have anything to do with me

nothing at all

i just reached home from school
yes, the time you are seeing is correct

it IS 2 AM

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as strong willed and stubborn. Overall, your true self is reserved and logical. With friends, you seem thoughtful and interested in ideas. In love, you seem mysterious and interesting. In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

Your Inner Blood Type is AB!

Your personality is hard to define - you're very unconventional. And even if your personality could be defined, it would be completely different next week! Outgoing and shy, sensitive and thoughtless, you tend to have a very split personality. This makes you unpredictable. You can be a total angel - and a total devil. You are most compatible with: everyone! Famous Type AB's: Jackie Chan and Marilyn Monroe

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

true, i think
bored, because i am in school
and i can't think of how to save my report

in school, on a friday night
is that sad or is that sad?

someone asked me this over lunch just now
"How come you suddenly become so zai for this module?"

i couldn't decide whether i ought to be flattered or offended

but being zai now doesn't help since the project(lab work) has been done and completed and all i can do is to try salvage the horrible pieces
the enlightenment should have come a month earlier
and that would be perfect
i think i am slow

sigh
lets hope i can mangage to piece everything together reasonably well

and i need to gain enlightenment on my other modules too
and a miracle to happen if i need something that vaguely resembles a decent grade

i swear i have never studied so hard in my whole entire life
sat in the library from 1130 to 2030
with the exception of forty-five minutes for lunch break
i spent at least EIGHT hours studying
and i have yet to finish for the test tmr, or today
i seriously regret skipping the lectures now
:(

i keep hearing the books say "die, lijie, die"
someone tell me i am hallucinating

back to the book

i feel like a jellyfish now
ok, fine, so i don't exactly know how a jellyfish feels, but i feel like how i think a jellyfish should feel like
with jelly-like limbs
meaning, i am sick
rahhh

such a FANTABULOUS time to be sick
with two quizes tmr and on thurs, lab on friday and the OMG killer project's report due next week
and i have to fall sick now

why? why? why?
i swear if there is something called luck in this world, it certainly doesn't like me
:(

everytime i open "Fundamentals of Biochemistry Life at the Molecular Level by Donald Voet, Judith G. VOet, Chstloyr W. Prat", i will be grateful that i didn't choose life science as my major
then again, why the hell do i have to do such rubbish module when i am not doing life science?
rahhh

i swear i hate that fucking asshole
i have never hated someone so much in my whole entire life
he is the one who shattered everything that i used to know as a family and a home

i have made up my mind
nothing, no one can change my mind this time

i stayed home today, in an attempt to study
and i have to say it was a total flop
for the past ten hours, i have been staring at my textbook and laptop alternately
and accomplished nothing

i am so proud of myself, NOT

FST2102 CHEMISTRY OF FOOD COMPONENTS
25/11/2006 (Sat) 1:00 PM 2 h

GEK2501 UNDERSTANDING YOUR MEDICATIONS
27/11/2006 (Mon) 1:00 PM 2 h

LSM2101 METABOLISM AND REGULATION
28/11/2006 (Tue) 5:00 PM 2 h

CM2161 PRINCIPLES OF CHEMICAL PROCESS II
01/12/2006 (Fri) 9:00 AM 2 h

rude shock to wake me up
exams are three weeks away
i have tonnes to catch up
and my first paper is on a saturday
AGAIN
and my experiences with saturday papers ALWAYS turn out disastrous
:(

three more quizes and one monster report to go
to survive this,

i need
1. more time
2. more brains
3. alot alot alot of luck