did two tests today
and i think i will fail both
one i know for certain i failed
cuz it was an online test and the results will be displayed immediately
i failed that one
the other, i am waiting to get it back
but i doubt i will pass
this is so a not good start to my uni life
failing all my tests
poof
but thankfully one is not going to be counted and the other is 2.5%
phew
but there is another coming up real soon
next tues in fact
and that is 20%
and it is my most most most dreaded module of this sem
rahh
i can already see the blank question marks surrounding my little head
i should be more productive this weekend and not continue screwing my uni life up
i will get down to reading my 1200+ pages thick textbook
i promise i will try to not fall asleep

this night

sitting in the cool darkness
soaking in the peace and solitude
savoring the silence and calm
tonnes of work waiting for me
calling out my name
screaming for my attention
but
they can all wait
now, let me enjoy this rare, precious moment
something so scarce, so difficult to come by
a moment just by myself
sitting in the darkness
with dry cheeks and clear vision
even, deep breathes and a calm mind
how beautiful
to many, this may be something that is just oh-so-normal
but for me, it is almost a blessing
almost perfect
and it would really be
if you could be here

mid sem break is over
school starts again today
i dun wan it to
i kinda dread school
i dunno why
poof
mid sem break wasn't really a break
there were so many freaking meetings to attend
so many projects to do
rahh
i did not even have a single free day with the exception of yesterday
and now, its GONE already!!
ok, given that the break was only 4 days
how saddening
rahh
i feel quite unaccomplished
did not manage to do the catching up that i have to do at all
this is not good
and i haven't done my tut for later
sigh
what have i been doing?
i dunno


i better scuttle off to do it now
and then its back to school =(



thank you for yesterday
it was fantastic
i love you

lesson of the day: lijie cannot be a cook/chef
ok, fine, maybe its sth that everyone has known for a long time already
haha
preliminary trials for fst project
cookies turned out fine, i guess
but the bunch of us are seriously no cooks
oh well
there is going to be a second experiment on sunday or sth
bless us
hah

on a happier note, met sera and abby for lunch
like finally after eternity and so much last minute cancellations
food was good
company was great
thanks girls
i really do love you all
haha

but now, i need to transform into the mugger toad again
and attack my tonnes of work
i think they all suddenly fell from the sky
totally forgot they were still there
but they are
poof

i hate getting angry and annoyed when i am studying
yes, i was attempting to read my super duper thick, 1200+ pages textbook
but now, thanks to the i-cannot-help-but-hate person, i seriously cant sit down and read anymore
hence, i am wasting time
doing rubbish online
this simply gives me another reason to detest him
for causing me mental distress and academic backlog
rahh

i want a kangaroo

seriously, there are those people in the world whom you just cant seem not to hate
rahh
and its especially bad when they happen to be those you cant break ties
what happened to that thing called brains that i thought all was born with?
where did it go to?
stupidity, idiocy, selfishness and self importance ate it up?
maybe
i wont be too suprised
for fucking crying out loud, get a life and grow some brains
or is that skull too thick to allow such a thing to happen?
or maybe again, its too full of his own beautiful visions of himself to have space for anything else
which seriously no one else shares
if its is one against on, maybe both might be at fault
two against one, maybe you can still be right
but it is the whole freaking world who disagrees with you
and you still think everyone else is wrong and you are right??!!
where on earth are your brains?
oh i forgot
you do not have any
rahhh

it's mid autumn festival today
or many would say, lantern festival or mooncake festival
whichever you like
i like to call it mid autumn festival
somehow, it sounds so much nicer
and i am staying at home to spend it with my family
been a while since i actually spent the occasion at home
hah

had a rather good weekend thus far
and the fact that the mid term break is here...
hahah
i am a happy person now
yayy
NUS class gathering yesterday was pretty fun
my NUS class has only 42 people
that is to say, there are only 42 people doing my major this yr at NUS
so yarh
not the whole class went
like since when was there a class gathereing with full attendance?
but it was quite fun larh
haha
and the world is indeed a small place as it was proven again yesterday
hahaha

met up with some of s52 people too
actually, just three of them
and evil kaibin went off without me first
rahh
but, oh well, he was sick and he is flying off to brunei for a month
haha
and he offered to bring back oil for us
how nice of him right?
-rolls eyes-
so that was that

now its time to look forward to mid autumn festival and mooncakes
even though i am not a huge fan of mooncakes
maybe i shall attempt to get one of those more interesting flavoured ones
hah

I feel like a little girl -- Corrine May

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles
with lemonade
Play hide and seek
with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how I'll make the world
a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark,
but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

i sat under the freaking balding tree
trying to ignore the leaves and bugs falling on me
trying to control the rising blood pressure and the level of sacarsm in my tone
tell me
what does discussion mean?
i thought it meant throwing out ideas and talking about the various ideas and finally choosing the best one available or the one that is most feasible
but
apparently, not everyone thinks like me
to some, it may mean pushing across a lousy idea that the culprit comes up with
irregardless of whether there are protests from other group members
ploughing on despite obvious flaws and no freaking demand
no matter how fantastic any marketing or advertisment is, there is simply no way a product/service without any demand can take off
like seriously
is it that difficult to get that point?
or is that skull simply too thick to allow penetration of any idea except for one's own?
and pls learn some form of social etiquite
apologise when you are late
especially if you are late for like freaking half an hour
i have always thought that it is the norm to go "sorry, i am late" instead of sitting down with a glowering face the moment you arrive
basic courtesy
rahh
maybe i might have given the impression that i am easy-going
but that does not mean that i am easily pushed around or can be easily manipulated
if you think so, i am sorry
you are seriously mistaken
wait, wth am i apologising for?
i am not the one who made the mistake
so there

sunday is here and almost gone again
oh no
i really am beginning to dread school
i dunno why
sigh
its not a good sign

met wanying, swee chee and sian lye today
had to have tuition so i missed luanshuang
a pity
but oh well
i had fun with the rest
they are all still the same
haha
but maybe cuz i have been so tired and rather burnt out that i cant take certain things as well as i might have
no hard feelings girl... =)
i still love you
hahaha

meeting tmr is cancelled
joy to the world!!!
yayy

good luck to all taking their prelims
hang on in there all my dears
all the best
-hugz-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDITH!!

weekend's here
and almost gone
AGAIN
rahh
tell me
what did i do with my saturday?
nothing much really
had 2 meetings in school
of all places, why school?
why??
i dunno
i didn't pick the place
i wasn't the one who called for the meeting
oh well
at least certain issues were settled and things can move on from here
the pile of work that i have is stagnant
no matter what i do, it seems like i can never clear it
rahh
i dunno why
it doesn't seem like such alot of work
but it just doesn't seem complete-able
how sickening
i dun want the weekend to end
i am sick and tired of projects and meetings
it seems like my whole life is occupied with meetings
one after another
and it seems like nothing ever gets accomplished for each meeting
why??
or is it me that expects too much of such meetings
i dunno
but i know something
i dun like it...

i am supposed to be doing work now
got loads of stuff due tmr or today
in about twelve hours
but
i haven't done any of it
and i seriously do not feel like doing any of it
why?
i do not know
simply cant get myself to sit down and understand the many complex concepts which my little brain has no way of absorbing now
neither do i have the energy to go investigate food laws and labelling regulations
save me
so, the logical solution would be for me to retire for the day and make another attempt tmr morning, right?
right.
but i cant do that
blame it on my good friend named insomnia
not the club/pub
but the symptom/illness/disease
whatever you want to call it
something i know too well for my own good
rahh
so i am sitting here typing in this whole chunk of random rantings, whinings and complaints
when i ought to be doing something more constructive and useful
sigh

just suddenly thought of the egg, carrot and coffee story
how life is like a pot of boiling water
and you can either be the egg, carrot or coffee

the water turned the egg hard inside
the parallel to the cold, depressed, this-is-my-lot perspectivc in human
when one feels that life hasn't been fair to them

the carrot will turn soft and lose its form
which may be how many will become
bend to the needs of the society
give up their own ideals and principle
lose the spirit to fight
basically become soft as we know the word when applied to a person

whereas for coffee, the longer it's boiled, the more fragrant and aromatic it becomes
hence, it is actually the model object in the little story
if there is such a thing
to learn from your experiences and become a better person with every trial and tribulation
that would be the ideal situation
but how many has this strength and determination in them?
i dunno
but i sure hope there will be more "coffees" around
so that the world will be a better place
and hopefully i can become one of them too

simply cuz carrots and egg(actually the yolk) are things i do not like
in both ways
hahah

i know, i know
this is a totally random entry
but then again, most of my posts are simply random anyway

presentation yesterday was terribly terrible
and i mean really terrible
sigh
first, it was out of point
then there was no coordination amongst the group
that can be attributed to the fact that we didn't even run through the presentation a single time before doing it
so there
its 15 percent of my grades for one module
there goes the 15 percent down the drain
and looking like an idiot in front of the class cuz i freaking didn't know what i was saying
boo hoo
oh well...
at least its over and done with now

lab later
again
this is my least favourite lab
cuz the apparatus and equipment are always wet and dirty
and its the only lab that without air conditioning
i know i sound spoilt
but i assure you i am not
because, pls bear in mind that there is the thick lab coat that is compulsory
and wiping the perspiration dripping into your eye is not possible when you have chemicals on your hands
i am sure everyone knows how much seemingly harmless perspiration hurts when it goes into the eyes
so yarh
but oh well...
at least i dun have to submit a lab report for this session today, only today
so i guess that makes up for all the discomforts
haha

feels as if i have been caught in a whirlwind lately
things have been in such a mad rush that i have so little time for myself
projects, group presentations, assignments lab reports...
and the list goes on
been made to work with total strangers
people come from the whole spectrum of the human species
naggy ones, stubborn ones, impatient ones, introverts, extroverts, people who are full of themselves and the list can go on
it seriously is so not fun nor easy
sigh
but
on reflection, i am not perfect myself
i may be the difficult partner to them as they are to me
i most probably am, anyway
i dun think i am easy to work with myself
but i am trying to learn
trying to keep that fiery temper in check
learning to be more open, more accepting, less stubborn
it hasn't been easy but i am learning
life hasn't been easy at all recently
but i think i will survive
i believe i can

on a happier note, lunch was fantastic today
the food is secondary, it really was the company that mattered
thank you

been having really weird dreams lately
i bet its the stress
what else can it be?
i dreamt i was attacked by a flock of monster birds
they tried to snatch the mysterious fruit i was holding in my hands
i even remember which stretch of road i was at and how the monster bird's mouth felt like
it was warm and dry
and suprisingly, even though it kinda swallowed my whole hand, i wasn't injured at all

following that horrifying dream, it was a scary car incident
dreamt that my friend tried to drive under a container truck with a long long train of containers behind it
and i was squashed and i couldn't breath
but i managed to survive the whole ordeal and come out alive
and very miraculously, unscathed!

like huhh?
what on earth??
and who in the world will have such weird dreams
maybe i should go buy 4D
i kinda remember the car plate number
hahah

retail therapy ALWAYS works
i swear
ploughed through bugis street with sera and stellina today
my wallet is consisderably lighter now
my legs rather tired from the considerable hours of walking
my shoulders tired from my absurbly heavy bag
and the tonnes of work still undone
things aren't really fantastic still
but so what?
i am happier
and that is all that matters, for now at least