HELP

i have spent hte whole of today and quite alot of time for the past week thinking, scribbling, dreaming about a new product for my project
the deadline is tmr noon and till now, i haven't found anything good
poof
what a sad sad way to spend my chinese new year
sitting in front of the laptop, searching through the US patents database, scribbling down random ideas which on first sight looks pretty feasible but become nonsensical thirty minutes later
and the famous stressed-induced headache is back in action again
=(

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR
wishing everyone health, luck, prosperity and happiness!

ok, its a little late but its still not too late larh

GONG XI FA CAI!

i am sick
as in really sick
poof
and i think i am even sicker now after having to help my mum with all the house cleaning
blehhh
i hate being sick
my stomach feels weird, my head hurts, my limbs feel as if they have just become jelly
they feel so freaking weak that typing this requires an effort
and yes, i wondered how i managed to clean the house jsut now
i think it was the medicine but now all the energy i had to use had diminished the effects of the medicine
poof
i feel like just crawling into bed and go sleep
but i need to leave for dinner in a while
although i know i wont be able to eat anything
and i wont want to eat anything cuz i cant taste anything anyway
everything is tasteless to me now
rahhh
i want nice bak kwa and pineapple tarts
=(

and after sweeping the freaking floor, i now have an additonal blister on my finger, where the joint is, so everytime i move my finger, it bloody hell hurts

to summarize the day, simply fucking perfect

I AM ANGRY
this is NOT going to be a festive post

today has not been a good day at all
someone pissed me off by playing the ignoring game again
i am not clingy and do not demand alot of attention but i certainly do not appreciate being ignored
if you are not happy, tell me
and as if one irritating factor for one night is not enough, she has decided to act up again
fantastic choice of timing
and i have to pack the room in its screwed up state
most of the screwed-upness is not caused by me, thank you very much
i happen to have to share a room
so there
and i am so freaking tired with numerous mysterious wounds on me
and the bruises and wounds bloody hell hurt larh
rahhhh
i am SO pissed off
i need to scream
argghhhh

what is a perfectly horrid way to wake up to a wednesday morning?
when you are woken up by a phone call informing you that one of your most dreaded scenarios just took place again at 0830
it is especially horrid when you barely fell asleep at 0200 in an attempt to think of new product ideas
so yes, i began my day with a horrid morning which i seriously hope will end soon and not drag itself into a horrid day

I AM DROWNING IN A SEA OF WORK

is that news or what??
i am actually stressed out over my uncompleted tutorials
wth
but i am seriously dying
and no, i haven't been skipping lectures or skiving off
i did not go out the whole week with the exception of yesterday
and before i went out on saturday, i actually had to go back to school to do work first larh
what a sad life i lead now
i am either super duper inefficient or there really is too much work
i suspect its the former though =(
and i have a project due on 1st feb at that
what a fantastic deadline
oh, and there is that bloody group assignment due on the same day as well
in case you haven't realised, that is immediately after chinese new year
thank you so very much my dear lecturers
a little sensitivity would be nice
grrr

right
so i have gone on for long enough
i should get back to that bottomless pit of work
i hope i will see some light before the sun comes up tmr
wish me luck

today has been a good day
i think it is my lucky day today
=)
almost everything which i thought would go wrong turned out fine
the grouping for project turned out fine
i got my tutorial slot eventually without any hassle (suprisingly)
i even had nice breakfast and delicious dinner
oh, and i managed to stay awake throughout all my lectures
now, that is an acheivement
hahaha
hence, i am a very contented and happy person now
there is also the fact that its ALMOST the weekend
haha
ALMOST because there is one more lesson at 1800-2000 tmr, which is friday
yarh
that spoils my otherwise long, lovely weekend
and skipping it is not an option because there will be a quiz tmr and every subsequent lecture, actually
but oh well
i shall not be a brat and complain
but be glad for how everything turned out well today, eventually
if only everyday would be like that
then i will be a happy person

i am so bored
and i think i have developed a chronic addiction to kaya and butter toast
i love kaya and butter toast
i think this addiction has worsened ever since the exam period last sem
i have no idea why this has happened since i was never really a big fan of kaya
i think i am going mad
and i just realised that i am writing like some primary school kid, beginning every sentence "i"
the funny thing about this addiction of mine is that i hate to eat bread or toast for breakfast, which is when everybody takes kaya toast right?
in the morning, with a cup of tea/coffee and soft-boiled eggs
but no, i hate that kind of breakfast
hahaha
i hate soft-boiled eggs
cant stand the way they are still runny with the soft yolk
eeeeekkks
i dun eat egg yolks at all
i always take it out
but i do take scrambled eggs and omelettes
hah

oh
and i love soupy stuff too
like congee and la main and fish soup
but i dun really like having soupy stuff for lunch unless its cold
hahaha
i like soupy stuff in the morning
i like the feeling of something warm fulling my stomach when its empty
actually i think i am simply too lazy to chew properly in the morning
=)

right
so i kinda wrote a detailed description of my eating likes and dislikes for i have no idea what reason
it all started with kaya toast
right
i think i am simply too bored

i like the night better than the day
i enjoy the quiet solace the darkness offers
especially when it is like now
a gentle breeze and soft, easy music in the background as i sat in front of the lap top
i feel at peace with the world

cracking my little head for new product ideas in the middle of the night
somehow inspirations come easier at night in the cool darkness rather than the harsh day light
several ideas have formed vaguely
i can see their fuzzy outlines but none are the wow ideas i hope to get
but its a start nontheless

oh
and i visited the camp he is in
it doesn't look all that bad, being totally new and all
it was almost pretty
but the looks on the NS boys was another story all together

i guess i knew all along that guys generally do not enjoy serving NS
but i didn't know that it made them THAT unhappy
i might not be the most sensitive or receptive to others' emotion nor can i claim that i am very well-skiled at interpreting facial expression
but i am certain that it was genuine joy and comfort that was on their faces at seeing their loved ones for that short meal
then, there was the look of concern on parents' faces as they inspect their sons to see whether they are adapting well
(although i must say that three days wont really take a serious toll on them just yet, so their visual inspection would not be of much use)
it was the same all around, regardless of race or religion
parents will always worry about their children no matter how grown up they are as demonstrated again today
snacks, nescesities and whatever else(that is allowed) that might just make their sons' life a little easier

intersting morning i would say
insights into a place i would otherwise very unlikely be able to enter
observing how different yet similar people are

on a sidenote, that, i guess is nation builiding
when all the NS guys and their parents share the same feeling and sentiments
bonding through common experience
ok, so that last point was rather out of point but it just popped into my head

i swear computers hate me for i dunno what reason
for the longest time, i was unable to go online on my laptop
now, that has been resolved, my laptop of less than half a year old has decided to act like its dying and is lagging more than the antique PC at home
what is this??
RAHHH
i just serviced it today
and it was fine at the service centre and in school but decided to do this to me once i reach home
why??
computers always love to bully me larh
irritating irritating irritating
i bet when i bring it back to the center, it will work fine again then start to bully me once i get home
so annoying

computer, if you understand what i am saying, pls stop being mean to me
be nice
i treat you nicely and with care afterall

thank you to all that remembered
special thanks to viv and wei
appreciated the cake loads
=)

so i am not a teen anymore
although angelo insists it twenteen
thats in his dictionary
hahhaha

yepp
so today has passed just like that
and i am twenty

so this is the last of my teenage years
but oh well, nothing much to rejoice or to remisce i guess
feeling a little too old for that
hahahah
although i do wish someone could be free and available to spend the day with me
BUT OH WELL
i shall not be a brat and whine

i think i wrote sth about how i have not accomplished much last year around this time
and honestly, this year, i feel the same year
what have i accomplished?
hmmm
the only thing i can be even remotely proud of is the fact that i am earnning my own keep
in a way larh
i pay for all my own stuff except for lodgings and food
i still live with my parents and take dinners at home
right
hahhahahha

i am not a kid anymore and i shall stop behaving like one
new year, new challenges, new obstacles
i will learn to deal with all these myself appropriately

bye teenage
i did have loads of fun
hello adulthood
i will learn to adapt to you

thank you all for the lovely evening
i do love you all very much

dinner with angelo, edith, junwen and sera yesterday
food was okay but the company was great
silly people got me a rather unexpected gift which i have not much idea of how to go about using it
but, i shall attempt
i am not going to be a teen for much longer anyway
right
but thanks anyway
its really the thought that counts
=)

on a sidenote, its pouring outside right now
and i am trapped at home with nothing to do

school starts tmr
sigh
dun wan school to start
i had a lovely end of december and have no wish to face the terrible monster called the univeristy again
i suffered heavy and serious injuries under its claws last year
and somehow, i dun feel very ready to battle it again

school starting also means that someone is enlisting soon
and that is not a very happy thing either
but, nvm, i will live through it all as i always have
hahahha
yes, somehow i have managed to psyche myself up
but, no, it is not due to any religion or anything
it is self motivation
hahahha
right
lets hope it will last me through this sem
at least
=)

i am angry because i cannot get the module i want
how annoying
poof
i threw down 200 points k...

ok, for those who dun understand why points i threw down, it is the nus bidding system. i have to bid for my moduels every semester and we are given points to bid for the modules we want. so the highest bidders get the module but they only deduct the lowest bid from you even if you throw down 999999 points. so, that is basically how it works, even though it doesn't seem to make alot of sense i know. i dun really understand it myself either larh.

ok, so i digressed
i threw down 200 points and didn't get my module
how can it be??
rahhh
i just have to try again in the next round
errr..
and there are different rounds assigned to the different kinds of requirements larh
i am too lazy to explain and if you are interested in knowing how the system works, which i gather, no one will, go visit the website
so yarh

i have a feeling that not alot of people will understand what i am saying but oh well
as long as i understand myself

cut my hair yesterday and it is a big big mistake
i look BAD now
really really bad
rahhh
now, i am trying to find a way to hide my hair from the world
i can wear caps when i go out to town for movies adn such
but i cant really do that when i go to school and like occasions which require more formal wear right??
how how how??
anybody who has any solutions, pls do tell me
thank you very much

so its three more days before school starts again
and my timetable this sem is rather early
i have 8 am lectures
but i shall not whine and i shall attend all my lectures
i know i have been repeating myself but i need to convince myself larh
imustbecomeamuggertoad imustbecomeamuggertoad imustbecomeamuggertoad
RIGHT
i think i am going a little mad again


two and a half years
thirty months
916 days
thank you

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

so, today is the first day of the NEW year
and, i will promise to write only about nice things and think happy things so this year will be good
hahahha
right

despite my very sad state of lack of sleep and uncomfortable sleeping posture just now, due to the overcrowding at home now, i am not groucy
isn't that a good thing to begin with at least?
and i shall not rant about horrid things that happened to me last night too
that is in 2005 and it shall remain there
but of course, i have the right to whine to my friends if i want to later on
haha

so i am sitting in front of the old pc cuz my laptop refuse to connect to the internet for i dunno what reason
due to my getting on in years, i cant help but remisce in the past
and the year seemed to have just flown by
leaving behind a whirlwind of scattered sentiments adn thoughts

alot of changes took place last year
most rather significant i would say
had my first taste of the working world
learnt how to hold that temper and tongue in check during my customer officer stint
learnt how to file an income tax form properly
taught some not very dilligent and rather problematic students
got the A levels results
went through the headache and heartache of course selection
finally faced the terrifying monster that i promise i will overcome called the UNIVERSITY
tried to catch hold of time and didn't manage to succeed

2005 has taught me some pretty useful lessons
no doubt, some were costly
extremely costly at that
but i guess it could be considered a wake up call
and for that i am thankful

so yes, i will make this a good year for myself
and hopefully for some of my loved ones too