i confer her the title of QUEEN BITCH
bloody hell
i have never worked with such a big fat bitch before
in all sense of the word
RAHHH
i am so so so angry that i would have loved to slap her face if not for the fact that i am afraid she might decide to jump and sit on me and hence squash me into the ground
ok, so i am being mean here
i have nothing against big people
never had
but i have something against big fat bitches
RAHHH

have i mentioned the fact that i always get sucky group for projectsr?
i always get sucky project groups
RAHHHH

BROCHURE DONE!

yayy
one down, lots more to go
i know i can do it

i am extremely irritated with one of my group members now
rahh
she made it sound as if she had to spend so much time and effort on researching for the material, when actually it was all on one website!
bloody hell
and she had the cheek to go like "your cant bully me now cuz i have alot of tests coming up after the hols"
you are not the only one with work due, you know
all of us do
i have two group assignments, 1 midterm paper and a couple of tests coming up soon as well
all you had to do was to go type in the bloody keyword and all the info is there already
i think i had to waste more time doing the dimensions thingy larh
and to think i felt guilty for not having done alot
RAHHH

how annoying
i feel immensely cheated of my guilt
i should learn not to feel guilty anymore

IT IS THE END OF THE HOLIDAYS!

school starts again
and my first lesson is my favourite favourite favourite organic chem lab session
RAHHH
yeah, right

why cant mid sem break be longer?
boohoo

so out of depression, i was surfing on the web aimlessly and came across this
http://kevan.org/nohari?name=lijie
do go take a look and add on so i know what people think of me
hahaha

i just spent the last hour grinding chilli
poof
yes
i spent one whole hour on it
now, there is a monster container of chilli with shallots, belachan, some ginger and sth else which i forgot to put in which thankfully can be added later on
if not i would have to re-grind the chilli all over again
and my hands are already numb from the blender cuz it is one of hte older models for which you have to press down before the thing works
but it is the only blender my mum would use
poof

and i have yellow finger nails now
credit to the weird ginger that is orange in colour
rahhh
not to mention the stinging, burning sensation that chilli always causes on my skin
all thesem just for good chili
sometimes, i think ready-made chilli off the shelf may not be so bad after all
nahh
i doubt it
the price to pay for good food

if there exists a technology that allows me to change my whole genetic makeup, i will definitely do it
i swear
no, this is not about intelligence or appearance
it is about the fact that if i change my whole genome, i would be in a different family
the common saying goes "related by blood"
and what kind of blood that flows in you is determined by your genes
so if you have different genes from everybody else in the same family, you do not belong to the same family

yes, i am that pissed off and frustrated with my family right now
things can be described in two words
FUCKED UP

i love homecooked food!
laksa by mummy last night was THE best i swear
katong laksa doesn't even come close
piping hot, fiery red-orange gravy
extremely, extremely fantastic chilli that threatens to burn your tongue should you not be able to take the spiciness, which i absolutely love
fat, juicy cockles
and other optional ingredients by the side at your own discretion
only one word
YUMMILICIOUS

hahah
heading out soon for ben and jerry's
yes
i know laksa and ice cream are both extremely fattening foods
but screw it
i will just go swim on monday or sth
hahahaa

it would be a miracle if i passed this test
really
if i pass it, i will go run 20 rounds around the track
see?
i am that confindent of failing
aren't you so proud of me???
RAHHH

it is only 200 pages
not that many
i can do it

i HATE will learn to like organic chem

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!!!

jiayi.limin.mingzhong.yanxi.miss dorcus kwok
sera.edith
abby.vivien.weiwei.priscila.yiwen
wanying.luanshuang.sweechee.huiyu.jingqi.tzeshan.
jo.sam.kaibin.kelvin.sharon.sabrina.huixan.angleo.andy.
anggi.wanping.sharon.amanda.

the people in the various different stages in my life that have had made a difference
life wouldn't have been the same without any of you
i do love you all
in one way or another

to anyone whom i have not metnioned or left out,
thank you for having been part of my life.

almost half a sem has gone by AGAIN
and as usual, i am still lost and blur and don't know what is happening
projects, group assignments, lab reports, tests, tutorials, lectures, readings, term paper
they come in big waves that never seem to cease
pounding me relentlessly
leaving me tired and battered and totally unhappy
simply because i do not derive any form of pride or satisfaction from the work i do
i feel as if i am not doing all that i can but yet at the same time, i do not know how to do more than i already am
it just doesn't seem good enough, no matter how hard i try
and i dunno how to try harder
academic life kinda sucks big time now
whoever that said A levels was the toughest and uni is a breeze is one BIG FAT LIAR
throw me back into JC and give me any 4 subjects now and i will gladly do it
i cant remember the last time i could go out and play without the nagging thought of undone work at the back of my head
tell me how sad i am now

but of course, one can only look forward into the future and not remisce in past memories
so i shall look forward to my holidays
and in the meantime, try to take a breathe above the waves whenever i can
and look forward to the very little time called weekend afternoons after my saturday morning meetings and sunday morning lessons to steal a little time off

i had a seriously disgusting and disturbing bus ride to school today
and it was all within a span of fifteen minutes

today, i realised my entire academic life has been far too sheltered and protected
in all my years in all my schools, i have never seen a case of real bullying
yes, there was the bitching, the stares and the sarcasm as well as the occasional flare up
but, i had/have never truly seen a bunch of people surrounding one person
taunting, threatening and hitting
and they were CHILDREN
lower sec kids and i am 99.9999% certain they were only sec ones
what in the world taught these children to be so cruel and horrible?
and they were fearless
it was on a public bus for goodness sakes
and they were on the poor boy like there were no others around
intially there were people around, but either by coincidence or to avoid trouble( i strongly strongly suspect its the latter), they all began getting off
HELLO!!!
did anyone not see or hear what was happening??
how can you turn a blind eye to a poor boy being bullied like that???
disgusting cowardly behavior
they were only a bunch of kids for crying out loud!!!
and you adults were actually scared of them??
seriously
i was so so so angry, please
i actually got the school's'number from singtel and called the school up
in front of this bunch of disgusting kids
and they had the atrocity to stare and glare at me before getting off the bus as soon as they heard me requesting the schools number and dialling
BLOODY COWARDS
disgusting creatures
RAHHHH
what is the world coming to?
or have i just been living in my own comfy zone for too long?

and before that, there was this bunch of iderts on the bus annoying me like mad
i was doing my pre-lab assignment on the bus cuz i haven't completed it and there won't be enough time to finish it up in school later, and this disgusting bunch of people had to come up to the upper deck and sit AROUND me when the WHOLE back of the bus was fucking empty
bloody idiots
and idiots love making noise and saying stupid things and started singing
please, i am sure the screeching brakes sounded more melodious than your disgustingly disgusting voice
RAHH
i was suprised that the windows and my ear drums did not shatter
and that was not the only suprise
they could actually tell i was doing chemistry!
WOAH
you mean you know what chemistry is??
i am so proud of your teacher!
how did he/she manage to teach an idiot like you to recognise NaOH and HCl?
i saluate him/her!
RAHH
disgusting creatures

inertia is a property of mass
it is directly proportional to mass
i am so freaking inertia-ed so does that mean i have a huge mass??
rahh
ok, that is like so whatever, i know
but i need to do work and i really cant get down to doing it and ranting about it here does not work or help either, i know that too
so how??
how on earth am i supposed to get down to tackling that huge mountain of work that is continuously growing?
can someone teach me how to be a mugger toad??
i desperately need to become one
not much of a sacrifice since i already dun have a life, thanks to my perfectly horrid timetable
i need to save the what little brains i have left before i turn into a i-dunno-what
yes
so how do i become i mugger toad?

sometimes, i wonder how on earth i managed to survive the education systme
i am so damn bloody lazy and passive when it comes to work, i swear
i am seriously amazed at myself, at how i know i know nothing and not bother to do anything about, at how i can just go to sleep knowing i have not done the freaking tutorial or even flipped through the textbook for the test tmr
i really want to box myself sometimes
i keep telling myself that i am no longer in a position that i can say i know i wont be the worst cuz there will be people to form the bottom of the bloody bell curve but i do not do anything to change my behavior or attempt to do my work or anything
yes, i am unable to understand my own behavior
there is just this huge inertia in me to not do anything
i have no idea why
seriously
and i really really really need to get my ass down to doing work if i dun wan to flunk another sem
but i just cant get myself down to doing it
i dunno why
rahhh

i look like a lobster now
because, against my better judgement, i took part in this thing called surf and sweat today
killed my arms paddling on a surf board and embarassed myself tremendously afterwards due to some reason that i shall not elaborate on
but, i guess i had fun and some good did come out of it, in a way

its pretty amazing how gradual changes go unnoticed till one fine day( or rather, rainy night, as it is now), you sit down and think about it
and you suddenly realise how different things are, how different YOU are
it is difficult to determine whether these changes are good
but if it makes you happier and does not hurt anyone in the process, it cant be bad

btw, i think my skin has a super laggy response
i was perfectly fine and normal at sentosa just now, not the slightiest sign of being burnt or redness
but, after i bathed at nine plus, i became a total lobster
poof

watched I Not Stupid Too just now
an extremely thought provoking show i must say
for me at least
i have lots and lots to say about all the various issues that were brought up in the movie but i shall leave that till tmr when i can better organise my thoughts
for now, i am seriously contemplating my future

not suprisingly, the rising importance of the chinese language was brought up again in the movie, as very politically correct local film should
and this really got me thinking
i think most of my friends know that i feel strongly against chinese who cannot speak chinese and even more so against those who can speak the language but pretend that they cant because they feel that its more 'cool' to be in the 'ang moh pai' or whatever they call it
to me, it is NOT a shame that you can speak your mother tongue
in fact, you should be ashamed of yourself if you can't
if you are one of those that fall into either cateogories and feel offended, i am not going to apologise
this is my blog and i have a right to say what i want and state my opinions
ok, but this is not the main point
the main point is, this whole issue got me thinking about what do i really enjoy doing when i was in school
academics wise, that is
and i realised i did like my chinese literature even though the teacher hated me and i kept falling asleep
i did not enjoy the lessons but i like the subject even though i used to whine constantly about having to memorize tonnes of stuff for 20 words scribbled by some poet whom legend has got himself drunk and died while falling into the river in his attempt to catch the moon
but when i think back now, i realised that and history were the only lessons which i felt that i was learning things that actually roused some interest in me
yes, i think i liked history and chinese literature the most in secondary school
but, as the logical singaporean, i chose the sciences over the arts wen i had to make a choice
i chose something that was objective and definite
where 1+1 will always be 2
where facts will always be the same and right and wrong distinct, no grey area
that was when i chose pragmatism over interest
or maybe it was simply lack of confidence in myself
i just wasn't that confident of what i was interested in
isn't it such an irony that what you are good at may not be what you are interested in?
at those points in time when i had to make a choice, i chose what i knew i could do better in rather than what i was interested in
and for a long long while, i managed to convince myself that i was not that very much interested in what i was giving up anyway
but today, iafter reflection on the show and my own life,
i finally realised that i do not like what i am doing now
i enjoyed the discussion seesions that my arts modules consists of rather than my hours spent in the lab frantically recording readings and setting up apparatus
but, i have come thus far
i know i can force myself to do well if i want to
the question is do i want to and should i?

question of the day: how do you know you are growing fat?
answer: when your most comfy jeans suddenly feel kinda unusually tight and snug
ok, i know that just sounded totally shallow and vain
but wth
i am FAT FAT FAT now
hence, i am sad
poof
credit goes to bak kwa and pineapple tarts as well as the countless candies and chocolates over the past few days
it is how scary how seemingly little things can cause such a significant increase
sob
and i have become terrible weak and feeble
my legs almost died after my pathetically short jog
yes, i attempted to do sth to salvage the situation before i started whining
but the failed attempt made me even sadder
=(
so that makes me fat and weak and useless now
rahh

i feel so cheated
the project that i had to work on over the new year could actually be handed up on friday!!
RAHH
evil lecturer
he spoilt my new year with this stupid project constantly nagging at me in the back of my mind
poof

and since this is a whiney post, i shall just whine all i want
have i ever said that i always get sucky groups for project work??
i think i have said it thousand and one times but it is true!!
sob sob sob
i have another sucky group with one guy who has no opinion AT ALL
and another i-am-mightier-than-thou girl
rahh
ok, the other two are still not too bad and i shall hope that this group will work out fine after all
everyone, pls be nice and hope for me too, yarh?

and i should stop kicking/hitting my own leg with the other leg
my slipper always has this tendency to hit my other leg when i am walking
and this leads to the numerous scars on my feet because somehow for i dunno what reason, the scars on my feet never ever fade away
so i have extremely ugly feet as a result

ok, this is completely senseless and random
i just needed to whine because today had been a rather horrid day

finally done with that horrid project
after countless hours of scribbling down random ideas
actually, apart from the idea generation part,
i think i spent a grand total of 2 hours on all the rest of the project altogether
including research and editing and all the rest
ike wth right?
but i guess THAT is the irritating thing about new product development
at least, in the initial stage
ideas just wont come
or maybe i am just not very innovative
hah
oh well
either way, i am tired and my i have a headache
hence, i shall head off to my bed