i am sitting in my brothers' room on the floor because the wireless network is down
RAHHHHH
i have no idea whether the problem is with my laptop or the router
either way, it is causing me a huge problem
because i have so much work to do
rahhhh

just finished a 11 page long lab report and i was actually quite proud of myself because i did the whole thing by myself!
yes, i know people do that all the time but this is the first time i finished one whole lab report by myself larh
and i actually remembered to attach the product to my report before handing it up so i though, for once, i got everything together
then i realised i forgot to attach my data sheets
RAHHH
hopefully the mean old uncle will let me go attach it on monday
if not, there is the possibility that they may penalise me
booo
and that will be a very sad thing cuz that report is worth quite a few percentages
sigh
yes, i am such a muddle head, i know

went on retail therapy today
bought pretty earrings and bracelet
but somehow, retail therapy today wasn't as effective as before
i think its the fact that i know i have a mountain of work waiting for me, still
and that exams are nearing and i have yet to start studying
sigh
how depressing

so i am awake at four thirty in the morning cuz i have a presentation tmr LATER in less than 10 hours that i feel super unprepared for
boooo
on a slightly happier note, this absolutely horribly disustingly crazy hectic week is going to end soon
but that would mean one more sleepless night tonight
lab reports, product development plans, presentation briefs
hopefully this will be the end of it all this week
exams are coming
and i need to STUDY
in CAPS

have you ever encountered the experience of having so much work on hand that you have no idea where to begin?
have you ever felt like just sleeping the day away because you have no idea how to deal with life and reality anymore?
have you ever felt that the only time you are not stressed out or unhappy or in any kind of physical discomfort is when you are asleep?
have you ever felt like you constantly don't know whether your actions are right or wrong?
have you ever felt like you really do not want to give a fucking damn on anything anymore but somehow, you are always unable to do so?
have you ever felt like giving up totally since everything is so screwed up already, anyway?
have you ever felt like crying all day long because you feel so helpless?

i have, all of the above, now

2 modules and 2 essays later, i think i made the right choice in not choosing to do arts (not that i am very certain that i made the right choice in doing food science)
but the grades have spoken and let me know i cant write term papers for nuts
and i am bloody hell glad i S/U that module
i cant write essays to save my life (academically, at least)
or actually most of the time =(
they always seem to be incoherent and poorly organised
blehhh

thankfully i didn't change my mind on the S/U option, if not i would have just killed my grades with that essay

oh, and on a sidenote,
my journey from science to arts to collect my essay and the return journey back took a grand total of forty minutes
THAT is longer than the amount of time i take to get to town from my house larhh

saturday morning and i was awake at 8am
which is actually earlier than my waking up time on weekdays
i think its due to the fact that i am so used to saturday morning breakfast meetings for that weekly group assignment
which i dunno whether fortunately or i think more like UNfortunately is tmr instead
booo
meeting on sunday morning is not a very nice thing

so anyway, i am supposed to be doing my lab report (AGAIN, yes)
and i got bored since paraphrasing procedures is not exactly a very interesting thing to do
and the fact that my yield is sth like 48% makes it rather err, alarming since i would have to come up with a whole load of reasons as to why i am such a lousy experimenter
i seriously need to be come more proficient at lab sessions and at writing lab reports
boooo
actually i think alot of my crystals got blown away larh
and alot of it got stuck onto the filter paper and wont go into the plastic bag
right
i am making excuses for my lack of skills
rahhh

i have a feeling not alot of people will understand what i just said but wth
i shall go back to writing my lab report

oh, btw, if anyone knows of any remedy for horrid hacking coughs, do let me know
thanks
i have been coughing for really long
and so has been my parents
another booo

i think i am never going to get well again
been sick since last week
boooo
fever and pounding headache since last thursday
finally fever went away on sunday
then i got a sore throat and swollen gums so i couldn't eat
then finally yesterday, the swollen gums kinda subsided SLIGHTLY and i could eat ALMOST normally again
BUT NOW
i have a bloody hacking cough that makes me feel as if i am going to cough my lungs out at any moment
WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS????
i have been sick for ONE WHOLE FREAKING WEEK larh
not to mention that my parents are both sick as well
for i think the same length of time already
rahhhh
there is a horrid bug in my house
stupid horrid bug, go away because no one likes you or needs you to be here
boooo

20 minutes to organic chem test and i seriously think i don't remember anything at all
trying to cramp in anything wont help i guess, esp when you have a terrible headache and a throat that is constantly screaming out in pain
hopefully the starfruit juice will help
my current surroundings include people with their notes mugging away, people with their notes trying to mug, people discussing organic chem which sound disturbingly foreign to me
cheers to the beautiful monday morning
what a fantabulous way to start a week
NOT

ok, so last week has ended and today is the beginning of a week
and the pictures above are evidences of my claim that last week had been a terrible one
and all the bruises are different, separate and independent bruises on my legs
ranging from the size of a fifty cent coin to approximatly the size of my hand
RAHHH
and no, i haven't exactly been tortured, although i do look like i have been under abuse
i seriously hope there wont be any more additions to my collection of bruises now
collecting bruises is not my hobby
thank you very much

after being well for half a day, i am sick all over again
is this irritating or what??
and i have a meeting with not exactly fantastic to work with people later, i seriously hope i can keep my temper in check and not scream at them(which i have always felt like doing and managed not to, so far)
rahh
and i have yet to start on the sickening organic chem test
sigh
what a way to spend a sunday
boooo

so after two days of wearing a VJC pe t shirt, the camp is over
(the teacher-in-charge for the school insisted that all the facilitators MUST be from VJC, reason being i have no idea why, although i highly suspect the thing called elitism)
i must say that the girls there were suprisingly well behaved
maybe its due to the presence of a rather, erm, intidimating teacher
hah

but one thing that gave me a huge suprise was really, maybe, what they call GENERATION GAP
one thing to cite, what was i listening to when i was ten?
honestly, i think it was like the kiddy songs they USED to play on TV
but the girls there listen to beyonce, christina aguilera, black eyed peas and so on
hmmm
am i really that old??
but all the facilitators were kinda shocked
and sadly, i kinda felt old amongst the facilitators too (they were all j1s)
so maybe i really am getting old
hahah

oh well
off to study for organic chem
wish me luck people

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you can see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream
I'll cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream--ABBA

someone, anyone, tell me i am not sane
i was sick and still went to help out at a camp
poof
thankfully, i didn't faint there
my mum, for once, actually called me up in the middle of the day to ask whether i had lunch and i was ok
yes, that was how sick i was last night
and i am still sick now
feverish with a freaking pounding headache that feels as if someone is whacking my head with a one tonne hammr everytime i take a step
complete with a bloody hacking cough and its sidekick, the sore throat and they scared away the thing they call my voice
poof
i am not exagerrating
hence, i am slumped on my bed and i refuse to move in anyway
i haven't fallen ill in quite a while and my aliments normally disappear after like half a day
this is the first time in a long long time that i actually am sick for one freaking full day and actually had difficulty doing stuff
yes, i know i was being ridiculously dumb by still going down when i had difficulty moving about without feeling as if my head was being pounded
but i guess it was not all too bad since i had a relatively fun time with the little girls(minus the physical aliments)
i was actually stumped when one of them asked me what kind of a leader was marthen king luther jr(is that how his name is spelt)
anyway,my partner and i were like err..... for damn long and i suddenly remembered he did something for the blacks
it was super duper embarrasing larh
and the kids think i am like a 16 year old kid
and they think that my partner who is j1 this year is older than me
i cant decide whether it is a good thing or not
oh well......

oh, and there is still the camp tmr and i have a meeting on sunday afternoon and i have a freaking organic chem test on monday
joy to the world
i know i am so so dead
not to mention the fact that i kinda absolutely have no form of a life now
aint i so happy???
is that part of the process of becoming a mugger toad though?

i want NEED to become a mugger toad \

you know a day is going to be a ridiculously sucky when the morning starts with chaos
and you have 2 freaking tests tmr which you have yet to study for
as well as to do research for a meeting to 'persecute' some dead dodohead tyrant who killed millions of his people
pol pot really did killed millions of people literally
if you are going like "who in the bloody world is pol pot?", its ok
that was my reaction too
but then again, i was the only dodo head that didn't know him
and i feel the beginnings of that horrible headache and stomachache that comes complementary with our beloved, favourite stress
isn't the world such a beautiful place and isn't today such a lovely morning?
RAHHHH

"when the world keeps trying, to drag me down,
i've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.
well i sy, have a nice day
have a nice day
have a nice day"
-- Have a Nice Day Bon Jovi

yes, indeed that is what i am going to do
have a nice day people
i will survive because i am me

i am at home on a sunday afternoon after a morning meeting in school
someone, pls tell me i need a life
rahhh
yes, i know it is immensely sad and life-less that i am at home on a sunday
poof

on a brighter note, trip back to CHIJ St Nicholas Girls' School was really really really really really nice
yes, you get the idea
bumping into teachers
some of whom actually remember your register no instead of your name
although i really wonder how on earth she manages to remember it
hah

there is just something in the air in that not too little area in amk st 13 that makes you feel younger, as if you're back in school all over again
transforming us back into those chattering little girls in uniforms
walked past the classrooms we once occupied and remisced about how we used to do stupid things in these rooms
i distinctly remember climbing into class through the balcony and setting up a mini bonfire in class to burn the notes in the classroom in sec 2
how we used to chase each other around the classroom blocks with water bottles and dusters
how we finished painting a banner from scratch in 2 hours flat
how we would run down the steps of the specs stand for morning assembly
our ridiculously long toilet breaks
the freaky ghost stories that people love to tell at camps to scare the hell out of each other
how we try to sneak food into the classrooms from the canteen

and the list is definitely not exhaustive
i think,know i will always look back on my days in my blue pinafore fondly

st nicholas our home...we'll always cherish...
the love and beauty you gives us to keep

truly

vastly disappointed with the results of various projects and assignments this week
that feeling is so not good
poof
i know results are hardly ever proportional to the efforts invested
but i am just so bloody not used to having to work so hard AND not do well
this is extremely extremely annoying
rahh
so there
i know i sound really egoistic saying this, making it sound as if i have been doing well my whole entire life
no, i wasn't the top student or anything
it was just that i always manage to do reasonably ok without having to slog my ass off
but i am slogging my ass off now and doing miserably now
i think i either grew a lot stupider or there are just too many smart people here or i am just so damn lazy that what normal work to other people feels like alot of effort for me
rahhh
i dunno which
but all of the above definitely do not help, anyway
rahh

so here i am sitting in my friend's room, attempting to study stats
but, of course,
due to my fantastic powers of concentration, i am typing this entirely nonsensical blob of words for no particular reason
while my friend is doing her work(which i am supposed to be doing too) that is due tmr (mine is due tmr too!)
hah
have i ever told anyone that being able to concentrate is my greatest forte?
-beams-
aren't i just so proud of myself?

i discovered today that my ability to do any form of constructive academic work is limited to not more than 2 hours per day
i am serious
and i realise how bad this is for me
rahhh
i have been at my essay on and off since eight am
and now i really cant do any more work even though its still not completed
in fact, it is only half completed
and it is due at 1400
BUT
my brains refuse to work anymore
refuses to digest anymore info and to string words together to form sentences that are remotely academic in nature
my sentences seem increasinly less coherent to me
and they dun seem to flow too
rahh
this is bad
although i only need a C in this paper since i S/U it, but still
i just hate to turn in some crappy work because it just is crappy to do so
i don't know what i am talking about anymore
so there
i shall attempt to finish up the 600 words

2000 words essay due on tuesday
current word count: 106 words
that is like 5% of what i need to write
poof
it doesn't really hlep when you are suffering from terrible stomach cramps and then you realise that the materials you have on hand are irrelevant
rahh
yes
so i know it would really be more productive to actually start working on the essay now rather than whining about it
and maybe that is what i should do, like now

so its a saturday morning and i have absolutely no idea what i am doing
meeting is fucking not confirmed and no one is answering the bloody phone
and i still dunno what is happening later or anything for that matter
i have a bloody good mind to turn off my phone and shut down my laptop and ignore everybody since no one is bothering with anything anyway
i am sick of always being the one organising everything
yes, that refers to EVERYONE
RAHHHH

dear friends,
pls take care of yourselves
be strong
for those who are unwell now needs you even more

have faith
in yourselves and your loved ones if you do not believe in the existence of a supreme power or do not know which or what to believe
hang on in there
things will right themselves in the end
for i believe in the power of the mind
you are strong
they are strong
it will turn out fine

what little i can help with, tell me
i will do my best